Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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