he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
