You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
