your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
