$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
