i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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