i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
