Nicole vs. Life
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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