I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
