im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
