I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
