remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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