my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
