i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
