my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Im part way to drunk.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
