Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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