i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
