she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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