i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
