Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
