so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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