Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
