no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
