You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
