I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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