Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
