Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
