I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
