I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
