her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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