she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
