I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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