like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I would fuck him just for his dog
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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