She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
