I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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