no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
