so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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