we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
