No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
