Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
