Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
