Who wears a wallet chain?!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
