We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
