i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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