I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
