the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
