my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
