yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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