So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
