Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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